Monthly Archives: May 2014

In a Valley…persuing Limitless Life

I have been in a valley for a long time. I don’t think there have been any sheep there. I haven’t been able to see beyond myself, my worries, mental and physical pain. I have not been able to see beyond circumstances. I have stressed people who love me and people who don’t. I have not slept well. I have struggled to stay in the life giving Word of God. Paralyzed in my situation, not moving in any direction just panicking like a person in deep water not knowing how to swim I have grabbed for anything around me to prevent me from sinking. But I did sink into anger.

Still able to work with patients, I was not treating my peers well. And then God opened a door for change. That door looked like a bottomless pit at the time. On that Friday, I was called out and made to be accountable for my attitude at work and I had a weekend to think through some options to improve the situation. I was reassured that my care to patients was not in question but I was not being nice to the people I work with and that I appeared to be overwhelmed with stress. I was afraid of losing the only thing that seemed to give me purpose, work. My heart sank to one of the lowest places it could go – afraid, alone, worthless & crazy labels reinforced again. Angry tears flowed and my thoughts ran rampant. There was a George Bailey moment here – my kids, family, friends, work and just the entire world would be a better place if I could just disappear. I sulked and fussed at God till I was empty. And then I sat still and God began to speak. Like waves echoing & rolling up on the beach God reminded me I was not alone. I was made for a purpose. He has a plan and a future for me. He loves me. He loves me. He LOVES me with an everlasting perfect love – not like people on earth but for eternity. So I sat in my valley and let Gods waves of love and truth work.

Here I am several weeks later. That weekend went from yelling at God to seeking Him.God is faithful. He does not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear…He provides a way of escape! My role at work has changed. I get to have routine hours four days a week. I am grateful for less responsibility. I am going back to school in the fall to finish my Bachelors. I have wise counsel and I know God loves me. I know He has labeled me Courageous and Free and life in Him is Limitless!

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Friends have a purpose if only for a season

Before I left work yesterday I heard that a friend had won her long battle with breast cancer – she got promoted to heaven. When I got home my electricity was out. It was dark in the house and a little stuffy . I found a flashlight that had a very dim light. I checked my breakers and got on the computer (it had a fully charged battery) to see if there were outages and there was. So I sat in the darkness thinking about my friend and how our lives had been woven together for a season. At the age of 12 I joined a group for young girls called Rainbow girls and had a connection to many ladies who are no longer part of my daily walk but remain part of the very structure of my character and soul. Several in that group were Facebook chatting and my phone was depleted to 10%. I wanted to be part of the chat but every use of the phone sent it down a !%. The dark and the silence were too much. I didn’t want to be alone so I went and checked on some neighbors and then drove around in my car to charge my phone enough in case I might need to call 911 or something and to buy some batteries for the flashlights and some candles. Was out about 2 hours and returned to the dark silence and tried to sleep. My memories of Brenda danced through my mind reminding me of a time where I learned how to be a friend, how and why to keep one’s trust by not sharing their secrets, but mostly how to love and live with other people outside my family. People have seasons in your life. As much as I would have liked to visit Brenda one more time to tell her I love her and thank you for being a friend to me when I needed her that wasn’t to be. I am grateful she was loved by so many and leaves a legacy that will continue for generations. So to the friends of my youth and my teens and all phases of my life till this moment – thank you for helping me find my way to who God made me to be. I am grateful!